The New Hotness (Or Blogging and Writing with Voice)

Last time on this blog, I mentioned my awesome critique group. Right afterward, I asked them if they sneezed (see Sneeze Cut for more details) and told them about how I had started blogging.

They immediately checked out the blog and told me what they liked and disliked about it.

Ah, you can't take the critique out of critique partners, can you? 

Anyway, the thing they didn't like about my blog was its lack of me-ness. The Profile and Blog descriptions were all factual and 100% boring...



They caught me... being lazy. It's easy to write facts and statements without any voice. We can sometimes fall into a toneless voice in the midst of our creative writing, too.

I admit, I wrote my initial profile and blog description in boring business-ese. So, I judged myself guilty of phoning in those two aspects of my blog and so I want to say



To make it up to you, I've rewritten both the blog description and my profile with 100% more voice-y action.

Here's the before and after of each:

Old Blog Description:

My name is Joseph Miller and I'm an award-winning writer for the game industry, who switched over to writing for kids. This blog will be my means of letting the world know what I'm currently thinking, writing, and doing in my life and my writing. I plan to focus this blog on a discussion of my current projects, children's literature, my life as a librarian, and anything else that suits my fancy.

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BORING!

New Blog Description:

Blog of children's book author Joseph Miller containing his off-the-wall, outside-the-box, tongue-in-cheek, (and heavily-hyphenated) thoughts on writing, children's literature, and life.

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What can I say? I like hyphens!

Now for the Profile:

Old Profile:

My name is Joseph Miller and I'm a part-time librarian, fulltime dreamer, and love to write children's books. While in college, I played and wrote for the Dungeons and Dragons game system, but for the past decade, I've been focused on learning how to write for kids and young adults.

In 2015, Nicole Resciniti of the Seymour Agency became my agent and we've been working together with Danielle Bailey to make my dreams become a reality. So I hope you'll join me on this adventure around the world of children's literature.

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Yeah, I'm pretty certain this is entertaining to 0.1% of the population. 

Bad author 

New Profile:

Name: Joseph Miller

Profession: Cool-as-a-cucumber librarian with a side order of zesty writer.

Goal: To become a zesty writer with a side order of librarian.

Motivation: I love writing and want to make a living at it… or at least pay for the occasional chicken-and-bacon pizza with it.

Conflict: I like to goof off, play games, watch TV, and surf the net, which generally equals no writing done.

My Not-so-Sordid Past: I was an award-winning writer for the Dungeons and Dragons game system… you might still find some of these books in a bargain bin somewhere.

Closing thoughts: Success in life and writing is about stick-to-it-tiveness. Or in words borrowed from Galaxy Quest: "Never give up! Never Surrender!"

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Much better... IMHO. Which goes to show you how important it is to remember voice in everything you do... whether it's blogging or writing.

Anyway, which versions do you prefer? The old drabness or the new hotness?*

*Note: This is what lawyers might call a leading question.